That's
the biggest key to happiness, according to Stanford engineering professor
Bernard Roth and author of The Achievement Habit. For example, giving reasons
for being chronically late to meetings or explaining your inability to spend
more time with family as being too busy at work are indications that your
priorities are out of whack, and realigning them will lead to greater
happiness. "Reasons are often just excuses," he writes. "We use
them to hide our shortcomings from ourselves. When we stop using reasons to
justify ourselves, we increase our chances of changing behavior, gaining a
realistic self-image, and living a more satisfying and productive life."
2.
STOP SAYING "SHOULD."
I
should really work out tonight, I should really eat better, I should spend more
time at home. The word implies reluctance and guilt. Start saying
"want" instead of "should." The positive language will help
you clarify and prioritize what you really want to be doing at the moment — and
it can help you see healthy behaviors you're not psyched about (you really do
want to be eating better) in a motivating way.
3.
BE GRATEFUL.
It's
simple, and it works. The next time you feel like shit, think of five things in
your life you're thankful for. It'll turn around a dark moment and possibly
your entire day.
4.
SHIFT YOUR "HAPPINESS PARADIGM."
Redefine
what happiness means to you at the present moment — and realize you can be
happy now. "Guys especially get the formula for happiness wrong. We think,
“If I can work harder right now, I’ll be more successful, and then I’m going to
be happier," says Shawn Achor, author of the book The Happiness Advantage.
"And it turns out, that’s not true—partly because every time we hit a
goal, our brain changes what success looks like, so happiness is on the
opposite side of a moving target, and we never get there. But if guys can
create happiness in the present, they can actually dramatically improve their
success rates long-term."
5.
WORK OUT — IF JUST FOR 7 MINUTES.
Studies
have shown that exercise can be just as effective against depression and
anxiety than antidepressant medication. There's a physical component (exerting
yourself causes the brain to release dopamine) plus, "when you exercise,
your brain records a victory. You’ve been successful. And it creates this
cascade of success. So you start developing more positive habits," says
Achor.
6.
THANK SOMEONE.
"Writing
a two-minute positive email to somebody you know, praising them or thanking
them for something, increases your social support dramatically," says Achor.
"And it makes you happier while you’re writing that note."
7.
PRETEND YOU'RE AN OLD MAN LOOKING BACK ON YOUR LIFE, AND GIVE YOURSELF SOME
ADVICE.
8.
MAKE A SIMPLICITY LIST.
Write
down five or 10 things that are most important to you in life that you want to
accomplish. Boiling things down creates clarity and will get you started on a
plan that much faster.
9.
WORK ON YOUR HAPPINESS PERCEPTION.
Tal
Ben-Shahar, author of Happier: Learn the Secrets to Daily Joy and Lasting
Fulfillment, says that's about realizing that happiness is the goal to where
everything else leads. "It's about finding the overlap among the three
questions, 'What gives me meaning,' 'What gives me pleasure?' and 'What are my
strengths?'" Determining those things, and focusing on them even for a
slice of your day, will boost your mood long term.
10.
SET GOALS THAT ARE MEANS, NOT ENDS.
"For
sustained happiness, we need to change the expectations we have of our goals:
rather than perceiving them as ends (expecting that their attainment will make
us happy), we need to see them as means (recognizing they can enhance the
pleasure we take in the journey)," says Ben-Shahar. "A goal enables
us to experience a sense of being while doing." Pick goals that involve
growth and connection instead of acquisition. (See #18.)
11.
WRITE DOWN THREE GOOD THINGS THAT HAPPENED EACH DAY.
In
your job, career and life. It may sound corny, but it's scientifically proven
to work long-term. "Over a decade of empirical studies has proven the
profound effect it has in how our brains are wired," says Achor.
"Your brain will be forced to scan the last 24 hours for potential
positives. In just five minutes a day, this trains the brain to be more skilled
at noticing and focusing on possibilities for professional and personal growth,
and seizing opportunities to act on them." It's an exercise that has
staying power: One study found that participants who took time out to do this
were less depressed and more optimistic — even after they stopped the exercise.
12.
DECATASTROPHIZE.
Few
things contribute to depression more than viewing a temporary condition as a
terminal calamity. Things are rarely as bad as they seem.
13.
CONCENTRATE ON SMALL, MANAGEABLE GOALS.
Feel
like you're always on the verge of losing control? Define and claim your
territory. "One of the biggest drivers of success is the belief that our
behavior matters; that we have control over our future," writes Achor.
"Yet when our stresses and workloads mount faster than our ability to keep
up, feelings of control are the first things to go. If we first concentrate on
small, manageable goals, we regain the feeling of control so crucial to
performance."
14.
CREATE A 20-SECOND RULE.
Achor
recommends reducing a "barrier to change" by 20 seconds — make a
potential good habit 20 seconds easier to accomplish, or a bad habit that much
more difficult. Achor found that moving his guitar 20 seconds closer to his
desk resulted in him practicing more.
15.
MAKE A DATE.
Make
sure that you're budgeting plenty of time for social interaction with friends
and family. In a famous study, scientists studied the well-being of 1,600
Harvard undergrads over a period of 30 years. They found that the happiest ten
percent of the students were the ones who had the strongest social
relationships — and that was a more accurate predictor of happiness than GPA,
income, SAT scores, gender or race.
16.
SMILE, DAMMIT.
Forcing
a fake smile reduces stress, according to a University of Kansas study in which
subjects were asked to plunge their hands into a bucket of ice water while
forcing a smile. Researchers monitoring the subjects recorded lower blood
pressures in the people who smiled through the icy experience. And the smilers
reported less anxiety than those who showed neutral or distressed expressions.
17.
DO SOMETHING NICE, EVEN FOR A JERK.
People
tend to avoid people they don’t like—like your workplace arch nemesis — and
detach themselves from problems that they wish would go away. “Avoidance adds
to stress in the long run,” says family business consultant and psychologist
Mario Alonso, PhD. “By facing problems and acting on them you are taking
control and that feeling of empowerment will reduce stress.” Even better: a
random act of kindness toward the office asshole will automatically make you
feel better about yourself even if it goes unacknowledged, maybe especially if
it goes unappreciated.
18.
SPEND MONEY, BUT ON EXPERIENCES, NOT THINGS.
A
group of psychologists have discovered something they call the Easterlin
Paradox, meaning that physical possessions will make us happier — but only to a
point. Experiences become part of ourselves, while iPhones and Italian suits
remain separate from who we are. Experiences — whether they're luxury vacations
or a trip to the movies — also create social connections, which have
demonstrated mood-boosting benefits.
19.
EXERCISE YOUR SIGNATURE STRENGTH.
Everyone
is good at something, says Achor. "Every time we use a skill, whatever it
is, we experience a burst of positivity."
20.
FORGET AGING.
Romanelli
offers a quote from the actor John Barrymore: "You don't age until your
regrets outnumber your dreams." By that measure, you can stay young in
perpetuity.
21.
TAKE A BREAK AT 1:11.
Set
the alarm on your phone for that time, every day. Why? Romanelli says it's
important to have a regular time that's just for you to take a moment to feel
peaceful and relaxed. 1:11 is easy to remember.
22.
BE OK WITH WHO YOU ARE.
Be
as kind to yourself as you are to others. See your mistakes as opportunities to
learn. Notice things you do well, however small. A March 2014 survey by
psychologists who study happiness identified “ten keys to happier living” and
daily habits that make people genuinely happy. In an unexpected finding, the
psychologists at the University of Hertfordshire who performed the survey found
that the habit which corresponded most closely with being happy—and satisfied
with overall life—is self-acceptance.
23.
ASK FOR HELP.
Realize
that you can't and shouldn't be Superman. Asking for help takes the pressure
off what's stressing you — and the social interaction will have a doubly
happy-making effect.
24.
PLAN TO DO THINGS YOU WANT TO DO, NOT HAVE TO DO.
25.
MEDITATE.
According
to a review of 47 studies published in the journal JAMA Internal Medicine in
2014, mindfulness meditation was effective in reducing depression, anxiety and
pain. The technique involves being still and concentrating on the present
moment, while focusing on relaxing areas of tension throughout the body. The
study's author said that as little as two-and-a-half hours of the practice per
week was enough to see significant results. The best part: You can do it
anywhere, anytime, and it won't cost you a cent — a depression-lifter in
itself.
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